Ever fallen for those inspirational social media posts that make you want to change the world? Well, I did. There I was, scrolling through my feed, reading about how BSNL (our government-owned telecom provider) was the underdog hero we needed to support. "A lakh people port to BSNL daily!" they said. "Be part of the revolution!" they said. And like a fish taking the bait, I jumped right in.

Generated by DALL.E — **Figure 1:** Caught in the BSNL Net!
**Image credits:** Generated by DALL·E.

The "Quick" Switch (Or How I Impulsively Complicated My Life)

Picture this: I was driving past a BSNL office with my friend at the wheel, probably discussing lunch plans. Suddenly, my inner patriot awakened, and before my brain could send emergency signals to stop, I found myself standing in line to port my number. The process was simple - 5 to 10 minutes for a new SIM card. The staff mentioned something about "3G service with a future 4G upgrade", and I nodded like someone who totally knew what they were getting into. Spoiler alert: I didn't.

Warning Signs I Ignored (Because Who Needs Common Sense?)

You know how in horror movies, there are always people warning the protagonist not to go into the haunted house? Well:

My wife (saved as "My Life" in my phone contacts) (the voice of reason I should have listened to)
My friend (another voice of reason I ignored)
The BSNL staff literally telling me "3G for now" (in 2024!)

But did I listen? Nope! I was too busy imagining myself as a digital revolutionary.

The "E" for "Extremely Slow" Era Begins

Remember the good old days when we had to wait few minutes for a single webpage to load? No? Well, I got a refresher course! Stepping outside my WiFi zone was like entering a time machine. Suddenly, my smartphone transformed into a not-so-smart phone, proudly displaying the 'E' symbol (E for "Error in Judgment" in my case).

Here's the weird part: the network seems to be playing a bizarre game of hide and seek. One moment, you're standing in a spot with a perfect LTE signal, feeling like you've finally made it to the modern era. Then, take three steps to the left, and boom! You're back to 'E'. Take two steps right? Back to LTE! It's like playing a twisted version of digital hopscotch where every square has a different decade of mobile technology. I've actually become quite good at the "LTE dance" - that peculiar shuffle you do trying to find that sweet spot where your signal bars align just right.

And let me be crystal clear: I am not joking or exaggerating here. If you think I'm making this up for dramatic effect, just visit my apartment complex. Stand at my front door: LTE. Walk to my car: E. Take three steps toward the gate: LTE again. Take two steps back: welcome back to E! At this point, I've memorized every sweet spot in my daily route like a digital treasure map.

The Great UPI Payment Disaster (Or How I Became Known as "The Cash Guy")

Picture this: I was at the salon, looking fresh, feeling good, ready to smoothly pay with UPI. But wait! Plot twist:

Phone: "Loading... loading... still loading..."
Me: awkward smile "Just a minute..."
Phone: "Connection timeout"
Me: more awkward smiling to the salon staff
Me: calls wife for rescue "Hey, could you please make the payment?"
Wife (instantly): "I told you so!" (She really loves saying that now)

The Hotel California Situation: You Can Check Out, But You Can Never Leave

Trying to port out of BSNL is like trying to leave a party where the host keeps insisting "just five more minutes".

After weeks of digital torture, I decided to wave the white flag and crawl back to my old provider, VI. You know things are bad when you're desperately missing your ex (service provider, that is). My great escape plan went something like this:

Step 1: Type the porting SMS to switch back to VI
Step 2: Watch the SMS fail to send
Step 3: Try again... and again... and again
Step 4: Google "Why won't my BSNL phone let me leave?"
Step 5: Discover the cruel plot twist - you're locked in for 90 days!

That's right, folks! It turns out switching from one provider to other was like checking into a 90-day mandatory stay hotel. And just when I thought I could sneak out early, BSNL pulled out the rulebook: "No no, dear customer, you must stay with us for at least 90 days before you can even think about going back to your precious VI."

So here I am, counting down days like a prisoner marking walls, dreaming of the day I can reunite with my old network - one I now miss like a long-lost friend. Oh, the irony of appreciating what you had only after it's gone!

**Figure 2:** Caught inside a prison.
**Image credits:** Generated Adobe Firefly.

My New Life as a Two-Phone Person

Yes, I'm now that person who pulls out two phones at meetings. One for showing off my vintage 3G connection, and another for, you know, actually doing things. My pants pockets, once in a perfect phone-wallet balance, are now hosting unwanted roommates. The wallet and my second phone are still not on speaking terms.

Daily Adventures Include:

Playing "Find the Signal" (a fun game where everyone loses)
Explaining to cab drivers why I can't book a ride
Watching payment apps load slower than a snail in slow motion
Perfecting my "Oh, let me try my other phone" dance

Lessons Learned (Because Someone Has to Learn from My Mistakes)

If your wife says "maybe try it first," LISTEN
Just because social media says everyone's doing it, doesn't mean everyone's doing it right
The "E" in EDGE stands for "Extremely bad life decisions"
Always carry cash (or a backup phone, or both, or just don't port to 3G in 2024)

The Countdown

Two months left in my digital prison. I'm not counting days... okay, I am: exactly 60 days, 14 hours, and 23 minutes to go (but who's counting?).

In conclusion, sometimes supporting the government means carrying two phones and having a really good story to tell at parties. At least I'm building character, right? RIGHT?

P.S. If you're reading this on a BSNL connection, I'll see you next week when it finally loads completely.

Freedom At Last! (Or How I Escaped the Digital Stone Age)

The 90-day sentence is complete, and guess what? I'M FREE! That's right - I've successfully escaped the BSNL time machine. The moment my phone displayed my new carrier's signal, I swear I heard angels singing! No more digital hopscotch, no more running to the window desperately holding my phone up like Simba in The Lion King.

The Great Escape went something like this:

Day 90: Typed "PORT" and sent to 1900 with trembling fingers, half expecting the message to get lost in the 'E' zone.
Few seconds later: My phone buzzed! THE UPC ARRIVED! I stared at those 8 digits like they were the winning lottery numbers.
Next day: Walked into my new service provider's store, flashing my UPC like I was holding the golden ticket to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. The staff probably wondered why I was grinning like a kid who just got unlimited ice cream.
3 days later: IT HAPPENED! The network bars changed, and suddenly my phone remembered it was a smartphone. It was like watching a caterpillar transform into a butterfly.

You know what's weird? I actually miss some things about BSNL:

The daily cardio from running around finding signals.
The meditation practice while waiting for websites to load.
The excitement of successfully sending a WhatsApp message.
The vintage "E" symbol.

To my dear BSNL connection: Goodbye, old friend. You taught me patience (lots of it), humility (even more of it), and the true meaning of digital detox (though I never asked for one). You were like that strict teacher everyone hates but learns life lessons from - except in this case, the main lesson was "don't blindly trust social media posts."

To everyone still stuck in the 90-day waiting period: Stay strong, warriors! Freedom tastes sweet (and loads really, really fast).

A Final Note to Fellow Scrollers

Remember how this whole adventure started - with me being hypnotized by those social media posts claiming "a lakh people porting to BSNL daily"? Let me break that number down for you: If a lakh people were really porting to BSNL daily, we'd have more BSNL users than there are stars in the galaxy! (Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but you get the point.)

P.S. Dear readers, experience is the best teacher - take your time, take a deep breath, do your research, and remember that just because something is trending on social media doesn't mean it's your ticket to happiness!